Writing

This topic deals with poorly structured English sentences, and how to improve them.

The following is an example of a convoluted sentence compounded by poor English structure:

"Before making adjustments, you are suggested to choose a desired preset mode 
in this menu which has set some certain values in order to meet different 
lighting environment and presentation purposes."

To improve this sentence, we have two tasks which are quite independent of each other:

1. Determine the intended meaning of the sentence and reword it so that the meaning is conveyed without confusion; and

2. Correct the grammar and tense of the sentence so that it reads properly.

 To achieve the first task, break the sentence down into logical clauses:

"Before making adjustments", 
"you are suggested to choose a desired preset mode in this menu", 
"which has some certain values", 
"in order to meet different lighting environment and presentation purposes".

From this breakdown, it can more easily be determined that the intended meaning is to suggest the use of preset modes. To understand the purpose of this sentence, we need to ask: "Why is a preset mode being suggested?" What are the consequences if we don't choose a preset mode? Is some importance to be placed upon the word "before", or some other word in the sentence? Does selecting a preset mode after making adjustments change things? Does it even matter?

These are not explained and should be, so that the user can make an informed decision about choosing a preset mode or not, and whether it should be done before making adjustments or not.

In this case, let's assume that choosing a preset before making adjustments is important and necessary, so we'll restructure the sentence by swapping the first two clauses:

"You are suggested to choose a desired preset mode in this menu"
"before making any adjustments,"

And reword the following clause to link the previous statement with an explanation of the potential benefits:

"as these have had their values preset"

And complete the sentence with the original final clause:

"in order to meet different lighting environment and presentation purposes."

And further explain in a second sentence the consequences if they don't (follow the previous suggestion):

"All adjustments made (and not saved) before choosing a preset mode
will be lost if a preset mode is subsequently selected"

Or the extended consequences of further inaction:

"unless previously saved to a personal user setting."

The resultant restructured statement reads:

"You are suggested to choose a desired preset mode in this menu
before making any adjustments,
as these have had their values preset
in order to meet different lighting environment and presentation purposes.
All adjustments made (and not saved) before choosing a preset mode
will be lost if a preset mode is subsequently selected
unless previously saved to a personal user setting."

These amendments to the original statement appear to better present the message being conveyed and cover all cases without confusion, however, highly convolutes and complicates what should otherwise be a relatively simple message. Logic (and experience) indicates that such complication is entirely unnecessary and completely unrequired.

It would be far better to leave the explanation of selecting presets and user selections to their appropriate sections in the documentation and not convolute this section with their descriptions.

Accordingly, the message should be cut back to a series of notes:

"You are suggested to choose a desired preset mode in this menu
before making any adjustments,
as these have had their values preset
in order to meet different lighting environment and presentation purposes.

All adjustments made (and not saved) before choosing a preset mode
will be lost if a preset mode is subsequently selected
unless previously saved to a personal user setting."

 

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See Also

Lotech Solutions' Tips, Tricks, and Procedures

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